Love is Blind

The concept of "family" here in the United States is an ever-changing, always developing entity.  A couple decades ago, if someone were to ask the question: "What does the average family look like in America?" the answer would have been simple and predictable: "A married mom and dad with a couple of kids, and maybe a pet dog."  However, the current definition of a "family" is no longer so black and white.

One of my all-time favorite TV shows is "The Fosters" on ABC family.  In case you are unfamiliar with it, the show highlights the lives of a bi-racial lesbian couple, and their rag-tag group of kids, made up of a biological white son, adopted Hispanic twins, and two white foster kids.  This description is about as far away as possible from my previous description of an American family.  However, this is becoming a reality in our country today, as people are becoming more accepting of interracial relationships and gay rights.

Because of my love for this show, I actually decided to look into how race affects the foster system and the process of adoption.  While poking around on the internet, I came across a startling fact: In California, if a white family fostering a black child wishes to adopt said child, they must enter a 30-day period in which the adoption agency searches for any black family that would like to adopt that child.  If no such family is found, the white family may follow through with the adoption.  If a black family is found, the black child will be given to them instead.

When I read this law, I immediately felt sick to my stomach.  The show "The Fosters" prides itself on being an accurate representation of the foster system here in America, and it shows that these kids spend a great deal of time being moved from house to house.  My question is this: If a child is in a happy home, where they are loved, wanted, and cherished, why move them from that home solely based on the color of their skin?  Especially if these kids are considered "the lucky ones" if they find a home that is stable and safe?

One of my best friends growing up was adopted, and I remember my 6-year-old self asking my mom, "Don't you think she wonders who her real mom is?"  And, for as long as I live, I will never forget her answer: "She knows her real mom.  Her real mom is the one who tucks her in at night, who drops her off at school every morning, and who covers her scrapes in Band-Aids.  Does she wonder who gave birth to her?  Maybe sometimes, but she knows and is loved by her real mom every single day."

It is time for people to open their eyes and see that color has no effect whatsoever on the ability to show someone love.  Love is blind.  And the word family can mean whatever you want it to mean.


Image came from this website: http://pubfilm.com/the-fosters-2015-season-3-full-10-episode-pubfilm-free.html.

How Are You Remembered?

During welcome week, all of the freshmen were placed into small groups.  My group, consisting of about 10 people, lacked diversity.  It was made up of mostly white people, with just one girl from Argentina, and one Indian boy.  The Indian guy’s name is Suneil, and he is now one of my closest friends.  However, our first interaction would not have indicated in any way that we would become as close as we are now.  Just a day after meeting him, I saw him walking towards our small group’s meeting place.  I jogged to catch up to him, and said, “Hey, it’s Suneil, right?” 

He looked back at me and responded with, “You only remembered my name because I’m the only brown guy in our group, right?”

I just stopped walking and looked at him.  I had absolutely no clue how to respond, and honestly, I was a little offended.  Did he honestly think I only remembered him because of his race?  I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t want him to see the confusion on my face, so I just responded with, “Of course that isn’t the only reason I remembered you name!”

And he just laughed and said, “Okay, if you say so.”

Now that I think about it, he was probably right.  And, the fact that I got so defensive just goes to show that what he said was true.  I didn’t intentionally single him out, but my brain subconsciously categorized him into a folder labelled Indian Boy in Small Group, and because he was the only one in that category, I was able to pull his name right out of my brain quite easily.

People claim to be color-blind.  They claim that they don’t see race.  However, every single person does, whether they want to or not.  Instead of pretending that it’s not there, I think the best thing to do is to acknowledge it, and learn how to deal with it.  I freaked out, and I panicked because Suneil’s comment was something I wasn’t used to hearing, and it directly contradicted the “color-blind” society of today’s world.

 I don’t know if I handled the situation in the best way, and I guess I never will know for sure.  Maybe it would have been better to laugh and admit, “Yeah, maybe you’re right,” instead of pretending I was blind to the color of his skin.  I guess all I’m trying to say is that the color of people’s skin is something we can all see, and there is nothing we can do to change that.  However, we should strive to not let that be a factor in the way we categorize and treat people.  We are all human, and we all deserve to be remembered for reasons other than our appearances, but especially for reasons other than the color of our skin.

What's On Your Mind? What's in Your Heart?

Earlier today, I spent a good deal of time catching up with an old friend with whom I haven’t spoken to a long time.  He attends the University of Cincinnati, which was the second college on my list of preferences.  In the course of the conversation, he texts me, “I don’t want you to worry, but I wanted you to hear from me that there is a shooter on my campus.  I’m safe though, in a locked storage closet in the Rec Center.”  Naturally, as the anxiety-ridden person that I am, my heart began to pound, and my mind took off racing.

My mom was skeptical of me attending UC, as it is located right in the heart of downtown Cincinnati, in what many inhabitants of the city refer to as the “ghetto”.  I immediately thought the shooter must be someone from this part of town inhabited by many African Americans and other minorities of the city’s overall population.  However, after a feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach, I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.  Isn’t it just as likely the shooter is a student at the school?  Or any inhabitant of the city outside of the small ghetto surrounding campus?  So, I decided to fact check myself.

I looked up “school shooting by race” and what I found didn’t shock me at all, based on the finding of this FYS class thus far.  97% of school shooting are perpetrated by males, with 79% of those males being white, often from the upper-middle class.  This just goes to show how quickly our inborn prejudices can force us to jump to misconceptions.  Based on both of these statistics, it is very unlikely that this particular shooter was a minority from the poor part of town, although that was my initial thought.  I am ashamed of the judgement I made.  I am disappointed in my mom’s comment that planted the seeds in my head.

Although her comment most likely meant no racial bias, it led me to misconceptions about minorities that could not be more wrong.  Racism is subtle, and can be seen in our words and actions, of course, but also inside our very minds.  Sometimes, it’s the judgments we make and the things we think that define us most, and I’m ashamed of some of the thoughts that ran through my head today.

I found the statistics on school shootings at: http://www.politicalresearch.org/2014/06/19/mass-shooters-have-a-gender-and-a-race/. 

Racial Makeup (or Lack Thereof)

My roommate and I were sitting in our room talking about the small town up in Michigan where her family has a lake house.  She explained to me that she and her family became curious about the demographics of this tiny Michigan town and decided to look it up.  They discovered that only 411 people were permanent residents of the town.  Naturally, I became curious and decided to look it up as well.  We were both surprised to find that the very first link to pop up was “Racial Demographics”.  I didn’t reference race even remotely in the search browser, but the search engine deemed it important enough not only to mention, but to list very first.

I clicked on the link to find that 0.2% of the population is African American.  Now, if you do the math – which I did – you can see that this means only 0.822 of a person is African American. It’s easy to claim that our world today is more integrated than it used to be.  However, when looking at these facts, it is very hard to deny.  Sure, the world may seem integrated because blacks and whites attend some of the same schools and sometimes shop as the same grocery stores.  But here, in the United States of America, where all men are created equal, there are still towns that are so white not even one full African American lives there.  And I can’t help but be reminded of the days in the past when blacks were counted as only ¾ of a person.  Looking at these statistics, it makes me wonder: how far has America come, really? 

So, this really brought two problems to my mind.  One being that there are towns in this country that are still entirely white.  It was shocking to me to discover this, as I thought those days were long gone.  The second issue is that I have no earthly clue how one could go about fixing this problem.  People fought for a long time to get rid of the laws that forced segregation, which makes me feel as imposing a law forcing integration wouldn’t quite seem right.  But, if people aren’t forced to integrate among races, will it happen naturally?  I think those statistics answer that question for us: no.  Blacks are not actively moving into all-white neighborhoods and towns, just as whites are not actively inhabiting the black parts of town.  What can be done about it?  I don’t know.  But, it is an issue that needs to be addressed.

The link to the website I mentioned can be found here:

http://www.towncharts.com/Michigan/Demographics/Onekama-village-MI-Demographics-data.html